Your Mama...

Your mama's like a roller coaster...she has her ups, she has her downs and 20 people or more can ride her at the same time!


Your mama so stupid, when you were born she saw
the umbilical cord and said, 'Hey it comes with
cable!'


Your mama is so fat, when I swerve to miss her in
the street, I run out of gas.


Your mama is so ugly, she can't get a date off a calendar.


Your mama is so ugly she had to get her baby
drunk so she could breast feed it!

Blonde

What's the difference between a blonde and a
brick?

You can lay a brick and it will stay right there,
but if you lay a blonde she will follow you around
for weeks.


How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?

She has a tampon behind her ear and she forgot
where she put her pencil.


How is a blonde like a postage stamp?

You lick'em, stick'em and send them on their way.


A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her

husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and

buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with

a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her

own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her

not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde screams back at the husband, "Shut

up! You're next!"


Whats the difference between a blond and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it!


What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Dirty

What's the difference between your wife and your
job?

After 10 years, the job still sucks...


What's the difference between 365 rubber tires and
365 used latex condoms?

One is a bunch of Goodyears and the other is a
great year!


My little boy wanted to be President Clinton on Halloween, but he couldn't get door-to-door with his pants at his ankles.


Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?

So he could run his fingers through his hair.


Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

A: They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

Freaky offensive jokes.

1 Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.


2 Q: What is a redneck virgin?
A: A seven year old that can run faster than her
bothers


3 Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.


4 Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she
gets out of the battered wives shelter
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her.


5 Q: What do you do when your wife comes to you
with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing. You've already warned her twice.


6 Q: How do you get a baby to run faster?
A: Chase it with the lawn mower.


7 Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun on her period.


8 Q: What's blue and f**ks old people?
A: Hypothermia


9 Q: What do you call 5 lepers in a hot-tub?
A: Stew.


10 Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a
mile away.